Brief periods of predictable, moderate stress are not problematic to us or our children. In fact, stressful experiences – when brief, predictable or moderate – prepare us all to cope with the world. Neuroscientific studies – those that look at the effects of stress on the brain – reveal that our survival depends upon the ability to mount a response to stress (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000). When stress is unpredictable, severe, or prolonged, however, that is when problems arise for us as adults, as well as children. A child’s brain can literally be altered by stress in demonstrative ways that negatively impact physical, cognitive, emotional, and social growth. Please…parents, educators, and others who care for our children, notice, recognize, and acknowledge the kind of stress they are experiencing today. Connect the dots between that often overwhelming pressure they feel and the learning, behavioral, or emotional problems they may be displaying. Take action. Respond accordingly. We can make the difference. We can facilitate changes that reduce unpredictable, severe, or prolonged stress. Doing so can create the kind of relief, balance, and healing that radically decreases problems, whether learning, behavioral, or emotional. Learn more about what can be stressful for a child and what kinds of positive changes we can make in You Can Heal Your Child available at amazon.com. Visit www.DrMelrose.com for more information and resources.

Too many of us are guilty of intervening with our children too late. Whether they are struggling socially, emotionally, or with their academics, we want to believe our children’s behaviors are part of a normal transition from one stage of development to the next. As educators, we don’t want to overidentify problems. We want to believe, as parents do, that children catch up, they’re resilient, and they don’t need us making a bigger deal out of something than it has to be. Unfortunately, not wanting to overreact has meant we “under-respond.” Our children need us to be paying close attention, recognizing a genuine struggle when we see it, and doing something about it as early as possible. With reading, for example, statistics from the Canadian National Institute of Child Health and Human Development tell the tale: 95% of poor readers can be brought up to grade level if they receive effective help within the first couple of years of school; 75% of children whose help is delayed to age 9 or later continue to struggle throughout their school years; if help is given in 4th grade, rather than in late kindergarten, it takes 4 times as long to improve the same skills by the same amount; and, 44% of parents who noticed their child was struggling waited a year or more before acknowledging their child may have a problem. The truth is it is never too late to help a child, whether the challenge is academic, social, or emotional, but early intervention is what makes the biggest, quickest difference. Let none of us, parents or educators, delay in recognizing and responding to the needs of our children. To learn more about early intervention with the effects of stress and trauma in children, please visit www.DrMelrose.com and read You Can Heal Your Child available at amazon.com.

I often hear parents, educators, and many concerned others ask the important question (in so many words): “Why has there been an increase in the incidence of various kinds of childhood problems?” We all want to understand why bullying is so rampant in schools today; why 1 in 150 births results in a child with Autism when just two decades ago it was closer to 1 in 10,000; why so many more children today appear to have ADHD, Bipolar, or depression. When I listen to panels of professionals answering these questions, I do not hear a discussion about the very real and profound impact of stress on the brain and nervous system, and ultimately on the conditions of our children’s lives. The sources of stress and daily pressure are innumerable, as are their consequences on babies developing in the womb, infants trying to bond, toddlers forming attachments, as well as children’s physiological states. It is long known that most of us are born with one genetic propensity or another that may or may not become realized depending upon a single critical factor – the presence or absence of stress. As I listen to the accounts of hundreds of troubled children describing their experiences it is clear to me that they are overwhelmed by ever increasing demands and expectations from teachers, coaches, parents, siblings, and peers. They experience peer pressure, sexual, cyber and other forms of bullying, as well as family reconfiguration that can often be confusing and painful. These have all become such “normal” parts of our children’s lives we fail to recognize their imprint. As we continue to study the effects of stress, crises, and other real events in our children’s lives, particularly on the brain, I believe we will have a clear understanding of why childhood problems have increased, and a clear direction on what to do about it. Less stress is best.

Please read You Can Heal Your Child to learn more.

In his “vision of a compassionate future,” the Dalai Lama stated that “many people today agree that we need to reduce violence in our society. If we are truly serious about this, we must deal with the roots of violence, particularly those that exist within each of us. We need to embrace ‘inner disarmament,’ reducing our own emotions of suspicion, hatred, and hostility toward our brothers and sisters.”  But how do we do that? The most powerful way I have seen this happen over and over again has been through the healing of trauma. The effects of trauma are now well-known. While it is true that for some traumatized people a pattern of underaroused behaviors can surface, such as depression or apathy, for many others, even if they are in an underaroused state some or most of the time, uncontrollable anger, even violent rages can occur. Violence begets violence. Seventy-five per cent of all school shooters were the victims of bullying, for example. Had we noticed that bullying was taking place, had we not minimized it but taken it seriously, had we intervened early and healed its effects, lives could have been saved. Each of us can begin to reduce violence in the world by starting with the healing of our own trauma, thereby reducing our own tendencies to act with suspicion, hatred, or hostility with strangers or the people we love the most.

I am getting frustrated with parents who I know love their children dearly, and teachers who I know want to see their students succeed, who operate as though the ideal is real. They have a dream for their children, a wish for how they had turned out or would turn out. So much so that they cannot see who is standing right in front of them. A child who tragically lost his mother to heart failure. A child who is in the middle of an acrimonious divorce between the two people he or she loves the most. A child being viciously bullied at school. A child who has experienced medical trauma or who lives in a dangerous neighborhood. The less than ideal events and circumstances of our children’s lives are numerous and diverse. Yet we continue to expect that they are going to be a number one student, a star athlete, and perfectly behaved. I tried to explain to a father the other day that he expects his 11-year-old son to win the marathon when after suddenly and tragically losing his mother at the age of 7 he is now running the race with a broken leg. Parents and teachers, please try to see the child standing before you. Not the child before the event occurred, but the child that is before you now, who needs help to learn to manage life in a new way, a life that is no longer so innocent, sheltered, or childlike. Traumatized children now know that life is difficult and bad things can happen at any turn. They need our understanding, compassion, and our acceptance of them exactly how they are.