Children pick up on the energy of the adults in their life. The level of activation in our nervous system has a profound physiological effect on them. It matters that we take care of ourselves in the moment a child is struggling before us, that we ground, and breathe, and notice (see previous blog). It also matters how we are taking care of ourselves at every other moment. Here are 3 more important choices we need to make in order to heal a child:

1. Make better choices: When we notice the impact on our nervous system of our daily habits, we can begin to make better choices. Our focus needs to be on creating in us a more relaxed, flexible state of well-being that comes from doing all the things that lower our stress hormones (cortisol), heart rate, and blood pressure. Examples of what the neuroscience points to that can have this positive effect on us include more sleep, less caffeine and sugar, more deep, long experiences of nature, healthy foods, more water, as well as slowing down, scheduling less, and turning off the phone, television, and computer.

2. Be still: Have quiet, meditative time that helps you to notice the impact of your state of mind on your body. For example, we now know from the neuroscience that thinking about old hurts increases the symptoms of stress, yet simply imagining forgiving transgressions decreases those same symptoms. Anger and sadness can be replaced by feelings of relief and joy when we choose to forgive. When we are still, and imagine receiving love, forgiveness, and compassion from ourselves and others, we are able to notice the experience of these feelings of relief and joy in our bodies, and that is what it takes to heal ourselves as well as a child.

3. Practice compassion: Start with compassion for you. We are human, flesh and bone. That means we don’t get to be perfect. When we appreciate where we have come from, all we’ve been through, and that we have done the best we can given our age at the time, and the resources that were available or unavailable to us, we can forgive and feel compassion for ourselves. When we practice compassion for ourselves, it becomes second nature to want to understand the stories of others so that we can have compassion for them as well. Healing children requires compassion, but we can’t give to them what we haven’t experienced ourselves.

I am so excited to announce the availability for your listening pleasure of a recent teleseminar I gave to parents and educators on the 5 Ways You Can Heal Your Child. Please check it out, as well as my monthly support group called HelpingKidsCircle.com. Ongoing news, information, and resources are at your fingertips!

There are 3 powerful ways to stimulate in children their own natural healing mechanism. That is, the parasympathetic branch of their autonomic nervous system that causes immediate relaxation and calm.

1. Sleep: Our children need more sleep. Sleep is what lowers the brain and body’s stress hormones that have accumulated throughout the day. When sleep is delayed, disrupted, or shortened then cortisol remains elevated causing agitation to the nervous system and a decreased ability to cope. Eliminate media and too much sugar before bedtime, and have a structured before-sleep routine that will ease them into their slumber peacefully.

2. Nature: Spending plenty of time outside in nature triggers a deep feeling of wellness and connection that is necessary for healing. Too many of our children live in urban sprawl without enough opportunity to be outside. They spend too much time in front of the television or a video game instead. Media is naturally limited when our children spend more time outside, and it’s good for us too! So please, join your child, breathe in the fresh air, and teach them to orient to the beauty of the world around them by noticing the colors, scents, and critters of the park, beach, or any other outdoor space you’re in.

3. Pets: The neuroscience has taught us plenty about the multitude of benefits that come from developing a relationship with an animal. We know that petting an animal reduces heart rate, blood pressure, cortisol levels, and the need for the use of sedatives. There is a safety with animals that not every child feels with people, and a unique opportunity for connection to themselves and the world around them when children form this special kind of relationship. If you can’t own an animal, please bring your children to nature centers where they can feed the ducks, watch turtles swimming, chase the rabbits, or ride a horse.