I learned more in 2011 than I have in any other year. When stress is greatest, and we are not at our best because of it, we are presented with a big opportunity for change. The economy has created for many of us the loss of our livelihood, our homes, our relationships or our loved ones. Though this has called for reflection, recovery and repair, great change from these losses can come when we welcome change rather than resist it – when we allow for a new way to emerge from the ashes, and we choose to recognize the opportunity presented. The following 3 tips are how I found my power after losses in 2011 that felt beyond my control.
1. ACCEPT WHAT IS: In both my professional and personal life, I have noticed that most of us are waiting for a more ideal situation than the one we have. When we have more support, when we have more time, when we feel less overwhelmed, we will live, love and work better. As educators, for example, we too often wait for the system to change, for administration to be more supportive, or for parents to become more involved before we believe we can do our best work. However, as an educator myself, I find it much more empowering and productive – and I enjoy my work more! – when I wait for nothing. When I accept the reality that is in education today, and work within my own parameters BEING the change I want to see. The only thing stopping us from living, loving, and working better is our own self. We can decide that given the circumstances we are in, we will take care of ourselves better so we can give to others what we want them to experience from us. Sometimes this requires that we take a step back, breathe deeper, and re-commit to doing the things that contribute to our wellness. From that place, we will create the change we want to see without needing anything outside of us to change.
2. PRACTICE SELF-DISCIPLINE: This doesn’t sound like a fun tip, does it? I promise it can be! And the pay-off is huge. Right now, in response to our stress, and the powerlessness we feel over it, we are drinking too much, eating too much, shopping too much, or watching too much television. Whatever our coping mechanism – used to distract us from our uncomfortable feelings – there’s a better way. Coping, as I am sure you have noticed, is just a band-aid that does little to transform our experience, to reduce the effects of stress in a lasting way. Self-discipline comes into play when we begin to notice that we are feeling the physical discomfort of stress – a racy feeling, agitation, even anger – and in that moment of noticing we ask ourselves what healthy thing we could do instead. Sit in nature, be with an animal, take a bath, go for a walk, call a good friend (not a negative friend!), or take a nap. Practice noticing how you experience your feelings of discomfort, what it feels like in your body, what story or judgments your mind begins making, and gently guide yourself to a healthier response. Focusing on the good feelings that come from making that better choice is what the neuroscience tells us is key to ensuring that we will make it.
3. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT: I never thought I would be able to meditate. Never! Sitting quietly for any length of time seemed an impossible task, and the last thing I like to do when stressed is give myself another impossible task! However, the losses I experienced in 2011 were so painful I became determined to create different and better results for myself. Sometimes what we have always done, though helpful, is not enough. For different results, something different is called for, and I knew from the neuroscience meditation was the best “new-for-me” tool I could try. I did not attempt to do this seemingly impossible task on my own (ask for help when you need it!). Rather I found a meditation group and dragged myself there, skeptical of my capacity but determined nonetheless. With the help provided me there, my life began to change quickly. New neural pathways in my brain were being forged and solidified – and continue to be – that allow me now to sit in stillness and hear my own voice and my own way, to block out the “noise” that we all hear around us feeding us ideas, beliefs, standards, and judgments that don’t fit for us or serve us well. Only in the quiet can we hear this “voice” and listen to it. The biggest different and better result I now have from meditation is peace. And when we have peace, and we are peace, we bring peace with us everywhere we go, including our classrooms full of students who need that probably more than anything else we could give them.
1. FOCUS ON PRIDE NOT SHAME:
In a recent study reported in the Los Angeles Times, an important finding was made with HUGE implications for both education and parenting: When it comes to self-regulation and self-control, anticipating pride for good behavior helps us behave much better than anticipating shame for bad behavior. In fact, “the more we anticipate public humiliation and guilt, the worse we’re likely to do when it comes to self-control. If we focus on the pride that comes from good behavior, we make better choices, by far.” What we focus on matters. Neuroscientist Richard Davidson, for example, focuses not on fixing what is wrong with conditions like ADHD and Autism, but on revising our minds with life-enriching experiences. This is how we change the brain – in the desired direction!
2. PLAY MORE:
Neuroscientific inquiry has proven time and time again: Play is not trivial or elective. It is necessary to healthy brain development throughout the lifespan. According to a recent article in the New York Times, physically engaging play not only provides intense skill learning, it lessens the symptoms of attention deficit disorder, reduces childhood obesity, increases intellectual performance and helps children perform better academically in the long term. “Deprive a social mammal of its normal rough-and-tumble play and it enters adulthood emotionally fragile, unable to tell a friend from a foe, poor at handling stress, and lacking the skills to mate properly.” Furthermore, studies have found that young homicidal males and felony drunk drivers compared to a control group, lacked normal, developmentally appropriate rough-and-tumble play as children and pre-adolescents.
Play is essential to adults as well! According to the article, “play-deprived adults are often rigid, humorless, inflexible, and closed to trying new options. Playfulness enhances the capacity to innovate, adapt, and master changing circumstances. It is not just an escape. It can help us integrate and reconcile difficult or contradictory circumstances. And, often, it can show us a way out of problems.” Doesn’t this sound completely necessary for us right now? Both our parenting and our teaching – especially during this difficult economic time in our history – will be greatly enhanced by more play and playfulness. If we want our brain to be able to master the challenges we face, we need to have more healthy fun!
3. PLEASE…BE MORE SELECTIVE ABOUT TELEVISION VIEWING:
Recently reported in the New York Times, 4-year-olds who had just watched the fast-paced fantasy cartoon, “SpongeBob SquarePants” did worse on tests of attention and problem-solving than 4-year-olds who watched a slower-paced educational program or spent time drawing. This study follows many others that have arrived at similar conclusions: If we want our children’s brain to function optimally in school and otherwise, we must limit television viewing and be selective about what it is they see. Each and every experience our children have changes their brain, in a way we want it to be changed, or in a way we don’t.
California Friends,
I would love to see you at my next talk in the Los Angeles area on December 6th.
Spaces are limited and are filling up fast!
See the ‘Opted’ or ‘Products’ page to reserve your space.
Even if you can’t make it, please forward this on to your friends and colleagues.
Thanks so much, Reggie
Forgive me for re-posting this link but I need to make some corrections. This “trailer” or montage was put together to market and promote my work as a provider of professional development. I am blogging the link to encourage you to forward it to any educator or mental health practitioner you know. It is likely that someone you know will know someone that would hire me for their next professional development day. And that would be so great! Thanks for your help.
While visiting friends over the summer, I was disheartened to find that even those I most admire – smart, successful, loving people – are choosing a path for their children that leaves them all miserable. The stress in the home was palpable. After a LONG day at summer camp, even their 5-year-old was subjected to drilling of math facts at 8:30 at night. In the summer! The poor girl was squirming down her chair to try to disappear under the table, whining, and stating over and over again how much she hated this, that she didn’t want to be doing this. It was painful to watch. When I suggested to the father that this not be insisted upon at this time in this way, he actually said, “We all need to work. She has to get used to work.” “REALLY?!” I thought, “At 5?!” Read more
I just had the privilege of delivering the commencement speech to the very first graduates of the phenomenal charter school, Wildwood Environmental Academy, in Perrysburg, Ohio. I hope you will agree that its message is worth repeating here: An American independent film maker, Woody Allen, once said: Ninety per cent of success is showing up. So to all of you, dear graduates, for showing up, today, and all the days and years of your education, congratulations on your success! You did it! And this is your reward…If 90% of success is showing up, according to Allen, the New York Times recently explained the other 10%. According to their article, the necessary ingredient for a healthy life filled with joy and a sense of well-being (how I define success), is something called, “self-compassion:” the ability to love and forgive yourself even though you are not perfect, you aren’t right all the time, you make mistakes, you even fail. Read more
There is no escaping the collapse of this economy, it seems. We are either losing our job or home, or we know and love someone else who is. Educators have received their “pink slips” as budgets continue to be slashed, and foreclosures are everywhere. I have not been immune to this terrible time in our history as I face both the final stages of losing my home as well as the least busy summer season of my career. It would be easy to succumb to the grimness of it all if I wasn’t a person who practices what she preaches! Read more
Students are not just angrier today than ever before, they are checked out, shut down, disengaged, unmotivated, and violent towards themselves and others. They go from zero (zoned out) to ten (raging) and back down to zero within a space of a few minutes multiple times throughout the day. It behooves us as educators and parents. We don’t know where the behavior comes from or what we can do about it and, because of that, our high school drop out rates are at a staggering incline, as are rates of mental health disorders and suicide in both children and adolescents. Join me online to understand who our students are today, how their brain works optimally, and how we can prevent all the challenges we face as we try to educate our youth. When faced with that shut down or angry student, learn what the most time-efficient, practical, and successful choices are that we can make. Read more
This just in! Responses and more in my latest Vlog. Please check it out below:
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