My heart is aching a little more than usual this week. Another reminder of the fatal effects of stress and trauma in children leaves me feeling more committed than ever to delivering the message I do. As parents and teachers, we can prevent such a loss. Young children need nothing less than we do to experience well-being – a sense of belonging, that we matter to someone, that we have value, a meaningful role to play, a contribution to make. We all need experiences of success and mastery to feel capable, competent, and good enough just the way we are. We also need to feel connected in a positive way to other people, nature, animals, and a community that cares. Read more

I recently finished my fall seminar series speaking to K-12 teachers across the United States, and I was so impressed by their dedication and commitment to understanding their students. They expressed that up to 50 per cent of their classrooms are filled by students who are disengaged, shut down, and checked out of the learning process. Their receptivity to my message of understanding these students within the context of neural development was more than exciting, it was inspiring. I am motivated, more like super-charged, to keep informing educators at every level about the effects of stress and trauma on the children who are placed in our care. Only when we understand how the brain is changed by the very real experiences of children’s lives can we intervene with them in ways that work in the long term. Read more

I am finally writing about an experience I had recently with a psychiatrist. It was a good experience, so I want to share. Most of us (I hope!) loathe the idea of putting our child on any kind of medication, no matter what an educator or other professional may tell us is “wrong” with him or her (i.e. ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD). We are especially concerned because psychiatrists often spend very little time with our child before assigning such a pathological label and prescribing potent drugs, too often as a cocktail in combination with other drugs. If we are not collectively disturbed about this, we need to be! However, today, and since having a long lunch with this particular psychiatrist, I feel hopeful that there are psychiatrists who spend a good deal of time with the child who will receive a prescription, as well as his or her family. This particular psychiatrist spent two hours with each of the clients I felt would benefit from such a consultation. He wanted to know their whole story so he would not be prescribing anything “in a vacumn,” as he said. He prescribed exactly what I felt would be of benefit to each child in very small doses, NOT in combination with any other drug, and further instructed the child NOT to take it if after he or she did, it didn’t feel right. He told me that he doesn’t want any of his patients taking anything that doesn’t feel good. And that is the whole idea. We need to want relief for our children, however that is possible. In rare cases, specific kinds of medicine tailored to very particular needs can be just the thing that provides the relief they need. I had a wake up call about this recently with two wonderful teenage girls I have worked with for over a year. The life circumstances related to their suffering were not only beyond their control, but also not going to change. They asked me for relief! They had the courage, knowing how I feel about medicating children – or anyone for that matter! – to ask me if I thought there was a pill that could help them cope with their feelings better. This question, after a year of hard work in therapy that brought some gains but not the relief they needed on a daily basis living in the situation they were in. It is at times like that I feel so grateful for conscious psychiatry. Each of the girls is on something now they feel good about, that is helping, and that  is enhancing therapeutic outcome as we continue our work together. Thank you, my psychiatrist friend, for the work you do, and let us hope there are many more out there like you.

Continuing my formal education until I was 30 years of age definitely hard-wired my brain to take summers off. But alas, it is time to get back to work. Although I’ve been seeing my clients in private practice – and enjoying that part of my work immensely – I must admit, I have been taking a break from everything else other than parenting my beautiful dream of a son. He is starting school shortly and reminding me that parents and educators need plenty of resources as we face another school year that will be filled with both the joys and sorrows of being alive. My newest book, You Can Heal Your Child: A Guide for Parents of Misdiagnosed, Stressed, Traumatized, and Otherwise Misunderstood Children never got a proper launching so that will happen shortly. Stay tuned…but please know that it is currently available at amazon.com as are my first book, Why Students Underachieve, and my activities book for adults working with children, Hope and Healing. Additionally, I have submitted more articles to ezinearticles.com so check those out for a free resource. I hope you will all join me in learning more about how we can stop the misdiagnoses and overmedication of our children, and in the process realize how we can all live a less stressful, more joyful life.

Hi everyone. I didn’t know how best to do this so I am trying with my blog. Many of you have attempted to purchase my new book, You Can Heal Your Child: A Guide for Parents of Misdiagnosed, Stressed, Traumatized, and Otherwise Misunderstood Children, but amazon says it is “out of stock.” Here’s the deal: Unless you order it, amazon will not ask me to send them more books in order to re-stock. So please, I know it requires patience and can be frustrating…but order the book and I promise, you will get it. I know you will find the information worth waiting for. Take good care, and thank you for your support. Reggie (www.DrMelrose.com)

Brief periods of predictable, moderate stress are not problematic to us or our children. In fact, stressful experiences – when brief, predictable or moderate – prepare us all to cope with the world. Neuroscientific studies – those that look at the effects of stress on the brain – reveal that our survival depends upon the ability to mount a response to stress (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000). When stress is unpredictable, severe, or prolonged, however, that is when problems arise for us as adults, as well as children. A child’s brain can literally be altered by stress in demonstrative ways that negatively impact physical, cognitive, emotional, and social growth. Please…parents, educators, and others who care for our children, notice, recognize, and acknowledge the kind of stress they are experiencing today. Connect the dots between that often overwhelming pressure they feel and the learning, behavioral, or emotional problems they may be displaying. Take action. Respond accordingly. We can make the difference. We can facilitate changes that reduce unpredictable, severe, or prolonged stress. Doing so can create the kind of relief, balance, and healing that radically decreases problems, whether learning, behavioral, or emotional. Learn more about what can be stressful for a child and what kinds of positive changes we can make in You Can Heal Your Child available at amazon.com. Visit www.DrMelrose.com for more information and resources.

Too many of us are guilty of intervening with our children too late. Whether they are struggling socially, emotionally, or with their academics, we want to believe our children’s behaviors are part of a normal transition from one stage of development to the next. As educators, we don’t want to overidentify problems. We want to believe, as parents do, that children catch up, they’re resilient, and they don’t need us making a bigger deal out of something than it has to be. Unfortunately, not wanting to overreact has meant we “under-respond.” Our children need us to be paying close attention, recognizing a genuine struggle when we see it, and doing something about it as early as possible. With reading, for example, statistics from the Canadian National Institute of Child Health and Human Development tell the tale: 95% of poor readers can be brought up to grade level if they receive effective help within the first couple of years of school; 75% of children whose help is delayed to age 9 or later continue to struggle throughout their school years; if help is given in 4th grade, rather than in late kindergarten, it takes 4 times as long to improve the same skills by the same amount; and, 44% of parents who noticed their child was struggling waited a year or more before acknowledging their child may have a problem. The truth is it is never too late to help a child, whether the challenge is academic, social, or emotional, but early intervention is what makes the biggest, quickest difference. Let none of us, parents or educators, delay in recognizing and responding to the needs of our children. To learn more about early intervention with the effects of stress and trauma in children, please visit www.DrMelrose.com and read You Can Heal Your Child available at amazon.com.

I often hear parents, educators, and many concerned others ask the important question (in so many words): “Why has there been an increase in the incidence of various kinds of childhood problems?” We all want to understand why bullying is so rampant in schools today; why 1 in 150 births results in a child with Autism when just two decades ago it was closer to 1 in 10,000; why so many more children today appear to have ADHD, Bipolar, or depression. When I listen to panels of professionals answering these questions, I do not hear a discussion about the very real and profound impact of stress on the brain and nervous system, and ultimately on the conditions of our children’s lives. The sources of stress and daily pressure are innumerable, as are their consequences on babies developing in the womb, infants trying to bond, toddlers forming attachments, as well as children’s physiological states. It is long known that most of us are born with one genetic propensity or another that may or may not become realized depending upon a single critical factor – the presence or absence of stress. As I listen to the accounts of hundreds of troubled children describing their experiences it is clear to me that they are overwhelmed by ever increasing demands and expectations from teachers, coaches, parents, siblings, and peers. They experience peer pressure, sexual, cyber and other forms of bullying, as well as family reconfiguration that can often be confusing and painful. These have all become such “normal” parts of our children’s lives we fail to recognize their imprint. As we continue to study the effects of stress, crises, and other real events in our children’s lives, particularly on the brain, I believe we will have a clear understanding of why childhood problems have increased, and a clear direction on what to do about it. Less stress is best.

Please read You Can Heal Your Child to learn more.

In his “vision of a compassionate future,” the Dalai Lama stated that “many people today agree that we need to reduce violence in our society. If we are truly serious about this, we must deal with the roots of violence, particularly those that exist within each of us. We need to embrace ‘inner disarmament,’ reducing our own emotions of suspicion, hatred, and hostility toward our brothers and sisters.”  But how do we do that? The most powerful way I have seen this happen over and over again has been through the healing of trauma. The effects of trauma are now well-known. While it is true that for some traumatized people a pattern of underaroused behaviors can surface, such as depression or apathy, for many others, even if they are in an underaroused state some or most of the time, uncontrollable anger, even violent rages can occur. Violence begets violence. Seventy-five per cent of all school shooters were the victims of bullying, for example. Had we noticed that bullying was taking place, had we not minimized it but taken it seriously, had we intervened early and healed its effects, lives could have been saved. Each of us can begin to reduce violence in the world by starting with the healing of our own trauma, thereby reducing our own tendencies to act with suspicion, hatred, or hostility with strangers or the people we love the most.

I am getting frustrated with parents who I know love their children dearly, and teachers who I know want to see their students succeed, who operate as though the ideal is real. They have a dream for their children, a wish for how they had turned out or would turn out. So much so that they cannot see who is standing right in front of them. A child who tragically lost his mother to heart failure. A child who is in the middle of an acrimonious divorce between the two people he or she loves the most. A child being viciously bullied at school. A child who has experienced medical trauma or who lives in a dangerous neighborhood. The less than ideal events and circumstances of our children’s lives are numerous and diverse. Yet we continue to expect that they are going to be a number one student, a star athlete, and perfectly behaved. I tried to explain to a father the other day that he expects his 11-year-old son to win the marathon when after suddenly and tragically losing his mother at the age of 7 he is now running the race with a broken leg. Parents and teachers, please try to see the child standing before you. Not the child before the event occurred, but the child that is before you now, who needs help to learn to manage life in a new way, a life that is no longer so innocent, sheltered, or childlike. Traumatized children now know that life is difficult and bad things can happen at any turn. They need our understanding, compassion, and our acceptance of them exactly how they are.