I am getting frustrated with parents who I know love their children dearly, and teachers who I know want to see their students succeed, who operate as though the ideal is real. They have a dream for their children, a wish for how they had turned out or would turn out. So much so that they cannot see who is standing right in front of them. A child who tragically lost his mother to heart failure. A child who is in the middle of an acrimonious divorce between the two people he or she loves the most. A child being viciously bullied at school. A child who has experienced medical trauma or who lives in a dangerous neighborhood. The less than ideal events and circumstances of our children’s lives are numerous and diverse. Yet we continue to expect that they are going to be a number one student, a star athlete, and perfectly behaved. I tried to explain to a father the other day that he expects his 11-year-old son to win the marathon when after suddenly and tragically losing his mother at the age of 7 he is now running the race with a broken leg. Parents and teachers, please try to see the child standing before you. Not the child before the event occurred, but the child that is before you now, who needs help to learn to manage life in a new way, a life that is no longer so innocent, sheltered, or childlike. Traumatized children now know that life is difficult and bad things can happen at any turn. They need our understanding, compassion, and our acceptance of them exactly how they are.

The last two decades of neuroscientific research have led to new understandings of how the brain and body are affected by crises. In response to this new research, I propose an alternative approach to crisis intervention in schools. The approach engages the oldest, wisest part of our brain, the brain stem, through the language of sensations for two reasons: first, because the core of the crisis experience is processed by the brain stem, and second, because the language of this more primitive brain is sensations.
continue reading First Do No Harm – A Proposal For Crisis Intervention in Schools

Today is the 10th anniversary of Columbine: April 20, 2009. I hope we will remember Littleton, Colorado and that tragic day in 1999, the 15 lives taken so violently, and the dozens of others who survived but were changed forever by the experience. Since then we have learned a great deal more about what can lead to such disturbing acts of terror. We have learned, for example, that 75% of all school shooters had been the victims of bullying. We were finally forced to take the traumatic effects of bullying and other peer abuse seriously. What I fear hasn’t been taken seriously enough, however, is the critical nature of intervening as EARLY as possible with all forms of violence that undermine our children’s safety. There are very specific ways to intervene effectively with our children at home, as parents, and with students in schools, as educators, to promote the peace and well-being needed for ultimate achievement and success. Please read You Can Heal Your Child and Why Students Underachieve (available at amazon.com) to learn more.

The co-founders of ResponsibleTeachers.com interviewed me last month for a podcast and here is what they had to say: “Dr. Melrose is an amazing resource for anyone who works with children. Her knowledge on stress and trauma and how it affects the brain in children is limitless. She takes very complex issues that are valuable in everyday experiences for parents, educators and children and she boils them down to very understandable terms. We highly recommend her books and her lectures for parents and teachers.” (Britt Michaelian, M.A. and Cheryl Daniels). Please listen to our conversation by clicking on my “Media” page at www.DrMelrose.com.

Stay tuned for the launching of my new book, You Can Heal Your Child: A Guide for Parents of Misdiagnosed, Stressed, Traumatized, and Otherwise Misunderstood Children. View the cover and pre-order at amazon.com.

I had a great time last month being interviewed by Dr. Marlene on her radio show called Amazing Women…Brains, Beauty, and Style. Listen to our discussion on the effects of chronic stress and trauma in children today by clicking on my media page at www.DrMelrose.com.

I received a notice today of a book written about the “children left behind by Hurricane Katrina.” I was thrilled to see such a book written, especially because of its emphasis on the need for schools to be prepared to respond effectively to these students’ unique needs. Like other children who have experienced natural disasters and other terrifying events, many now have an elevated baseline level of anxiety that interferes with learning and adaptive behavior. They no longer operate within what some call “the optimum zone of arousal” so necessary for healthy self-regulation of learning, affect, and behavior. There are many things we can do, however, as educators – and as parents – to help soothe the overly active nervous system of children who have been through stressful or traumatic events. Please read “Why Students Underachieve: What Educators and Parents Can Do about It” or the many articles I have written on the web to find out more.

It felt good to wear my pink shirt today and ask my college students – future teachers – to remember this day when their students are looking up to them, to be sure not only to commemorate the day each year, but also to live its meaning all days of the year in their classroom and beyond. One client I worked with today is the parent of a victim of bullying. His 9-year-old son now lives with the pain and shame of having been abused by his peers since his first day of Kindergarten, whose nightmare hasn’t ended yet. Any one of us, whether or not we are in a leadership position, can encourage others to join in on taking a stand against bullying, racism, and any other form of peer abuse. To those of you who understand its far-reaching consequences for all of us in this interconnected society we live in, and who took that stand today, thank you for doing your part. We will eradicate the effects of abuse and every other form of trauma, and we will do it one enlightened act at a time.

This coming Wednesday, February 25th, wear pink and take a stand against bullying, racism and any other form of peer abuse. I, for one, am thrilled, that we are finally taking something seriously that has been minimized for decades, something that we now know can have long-lasting traumatic effects on our children. With the overwhelming amount of evidence we have that reveals the specific kinds of changes trauma can make to the brain, changes that compromise learning and adaptive behavior, let us boldly show that we are paying attention and that we care. Visit http://www.pinkshirtday.ca to learn more.

Whether you are a parent or a teacher, there are 5 things you could be doing right now to help a child who has been shaken by a crisis, too much stress, or trauma. The goal is always to restore a greater sense of balance and ease in the child’s nervous system so he or she can be fully present to learn and behave adaptively. 1) Foster a compassionate RELATIONSHIP that communicates, “We will get through this together.” 2) Create relative SAFETY with consistent rules and regulations that are posted and/or reviewed with clear rewards and consequences that the child can come to predict. Safety comes from predictability. 3) Involve the child in COMMUNITY, a place where they feel they belong, where they matter and have chances to start over anew no matter what. 4) Provide the child with multiple opportunities to experience their own COMPETENCE. What they feel good at doesn’t matter, just that they feel good doing something, i.e. playing a game, making someone laugh, helping someone, making something from scratch, learning something new, teaching something to a younger child, getting a chance to show off a talent, skill, ability, athletic, artistic, or intellectual accomplishment. 5) Support SENSORY AWARENESS by talking to and engaging the child in noticing the sensations that are happening in his or her body, where they are tight, tense, relaxed, calm, shaky, or warm. The body is speaking to us to let us know when we need to take care of ourselves. If you learn to do this for yourself first, you will be able to pass on to your child one of the most important resources of all (please read “Why Students Underachieve: What Educators and Parents Can Do about It” to learn why all of this is so important.)