1. Make better choices: When we notice the impact on our nervous system of our daily habits, we can begin to make better choices. Our focus needs to be on creating in us a more relaxed, flexible state of well-being that comes from doing all the things that lower our stress hormones (cortisol), heart rate, and blood pressure. Examples of what the neuroscience points to that can have this positive effect on us include more sleep, less caffeine and sugar, more deep, long experiences of nature, healthy foods, more water, as well as slowing down, scheduling less, and turning off the phone, television, and computer.

2. Be still: Have quiet, meditative time that helps you to notice the impact of your state of mind on your body. For example, we now know from the neuroscience that thinking about old hurts increases the symptoms of stress, yet simply imagining forgiving transgressions decreases those same symptoms. Anger and sadness can be replaced by feelings of relief and joy when we choose to forgive. When we are still, and imagine receiving love, forgiveness, and compassion from ourselves and others, we are able to notice the experience of these feelings of relief and joy in our bodies, and that is what it takes to heal ourselves as well as a child.

3. Practice compassion: Start with compassion for you. We are human, flesh and bone. That means we don’t get to be perfect. When we appreciate where we have come from, all we’ve been through, and that we have done the best we can given our age at the time, and the resources that were available or unavailable to us, we can forgive and feel compassion for ourselves. When we practice compassion for ourselves, it becomes second nature to want to understand the stories of others so that we can have compassion for them as well. Healing children requires compassion, but we can’t give to them what we haven’t experienced ourselves.

1. Sleep: Our children need more sleep. Sleep is what lowers the brain and body’s stress hormones that have accumulated throughout the day. When sleep is delayed, disrupted, or shortened then cortisol remains elevated causing agitation to the nervous system and a decreased ability to cope. Eliminate media and too much sugar before bedtime, and have a structured before-sleep routine that will ease them into their slumber peacefully.

2. Nature: Spending plenty of time outside in nature triggers a deep feeling of wellness and connection that is necessary for healing. Too many of our children live in urban sprawl without enough opportunity to be outside. They spend too much time in front of the television or a video game instead. Media is naturally limited when our children spend more time outside, and it’s good for us too! So please, join your child, breathe in the fresh air, and teach them to orient to the beauty of the world around them by noticing the colors, scents, and critters of the park, beach, or any other outdoor space you’re in.

3. Pets: The neuroscience has taught us plenty about the multitude of benefits that come from developing a relationship with an animal. We know that petting an animal reduces heart rate, blood pressure, cortisol levels, and the need for the use of sedatives. There is a safety with animals that not every child feels with people, and a unique opportunity for connection to themselves and the world around them when children form this special kind of relationship. If you can’t own an animal, please bring your children to nature centers where they can feed the ducks, watch turtles swimming, chase the rabbits, or ride a horse.

1. You do not want to get pulled in. I think of that space that a struggling child is in as a trauma vortex that can easily pull us into its center if we are not careful. When we get pulled in, we become emotional, reactive, and out of control, and that is often when we make bad decisions, like threaten something we can’t really follow through on (nor do we really want to.) In my previous blog, I explained the 3 most important things to do first when trying to heal a child: feel your feet on the ground, breathe deeply in through your nose filling your belly up with air, and notice your separateness from the child and the vortex. This is how you can hold a safe space for that child to come back to.

2. You do not want to talk much at all. When a child is struggling, the part of the brain that is most active is the part we share with animals that doesn’t speak the language of words. Their more rational, language-based brain becomes hijacked. When we talk “at” a child who doesn’t have the capacity in that moment to process our words, the child becomes more agitated and agony is unnecessarily prolonged. Challenge yourself to be still. Ground yourself, breathe, and hold a safe, compassionate place for the child to come back to. You’ll be surprised how quickly this happens when we don’t agitate the animal brain with our words.

3. You don’t want to encourage a “safe” expression of violence, like punching a pillow, kicking the wall, or pounding a punching bag. Anytime we engage in a behavior, we create neural connections for that behavior in our brain. When children are encouraged to take their aggression out on inanimate objects, neural connections for aggression get stronger the more the behavior occurs. When neural connections get stronger, the behavior becomes more automatic. Rather, replace the violent behavior with a healthier outlet like running, jumping, or pushing hands until the energy is all used up.

Talk to you on the call today at 3 p.m.!

1. Feel your feet on the ground. You may think I’m kidding. I’m not. The first step to take any time a child is in front of you struggling as they may be, triggering you as they may do, is to stand firmly on the ground and feel it. Feel yourself connected to the floor, to the ground, to the earth, and just watch what happens next…

2. Breathe. When you feel your feet on the ground and really notice your connection to the earth beneath you, you will breathe… deeply. When you breathe, be sure to breathe in through your nose and fill your belly up with air. We know from important neuroscience that when we breathe in through the nose and fill the belly up with air, we powerfully stimulate what’s called the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. When we do, a deeply calming response is ushered in us, and from that state, healing is possible.

3. Notice. Simply begin to notice, without criticism of yourself or the child, notice how separate the two of you actually are. You are not this little person in front of you. He or she is not you. Notice with compassion how he or she is struggling in his or her own skin, and that sometimes there is very little we can do. In fact, many times, the less we do, and the more we simply let ourselves BE…the more we are grounded and breathing calmly, the less damage we do, and the quicker our child “finds their way back home.”

Please follow these steps and be the safe place the child in front of you wants to come back home to. Learn more in my upcoming teleseminar Thursday, April 29th. Talk to you then!

Below is the press release that was distributed today. Take a look and pass it along to any concerned parent and teacher who needs this vital support for a loved one.  Additionally, next week, I will be hosting a ground-breaking free teleclass to discuss 5 Ways You Can Heal Your Child Now! Please spread the word about this too-important-to-miss call! Parents and teachers this is truly too important to miss!

Launch of New Online Community Provides an Innovative Learning Resource for Parents and Teachers

5 Ways You Can Heal Your Child

Dear Concerned Parent and/or Guardian,

On April 29th at 3pm PST/6pm EST, I will be hosting an important, ground-breaking teleclass that will give parents 5 powerful ways to heal their child. If you are a parent of a misdiagnosed, stressed, traumatized, or otherwise misunderstood child, you need to be on this important call as I reveal 5 important approaches that have saved many of the families and children I have worked with. It is my dream that every family has access to this important information. Our children deserve it!

Please put in your name and email below, and I will promptly email you the teleclass details. Thank you!

- Dr. Reggie Melrose

Name:

Email:

P.S. Please put the date April 29th at 3pm PST/6pm EST on your calendar right now – you don’t want to miss this hugely important call!

We respect your email privacy

Based on Dr. Perry’s work and other neuroscientists who study the developing brain, we need to reconsider the diagnosis of ODD. We too often pathologize our children for having natural responses to the confusing, stressful, sometimes terrifying events of their lives. The behaviors associated with ODD, although extremely challenging at times, are simply revealing a physiological state, one that is the natural result of particular kinds of experiences. According to Dr. Perry, the physiological state  of children and adolescents with so-called ODD is a freeze response. When any one of us feels threatened or terrified by something, we instinctively go into fight, flight, or freeze. For many children, because they are so dependent and vulnerable, a freeze response is often the choice their brain makes at such a time, building neural connections for that freeze to become a more likely response any time the child feels stressed or scared in the future.

We don’t yet appreciate how pressured, stressed, scared, even terrified many of our children and adolescents feel in today’s world. We don’t yet know how the experience of these feelings changes the brain and nervous system. Once we do, however, I know we will reconsider every diagnosis we make of children and adolescents, not just ODD, but ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety Disorders, even Autism. Learn more about the effects of stress and trauma on the brain, learning, and behavior by reading “Why Students Underachieve: What Educators and Parents Can Do about It” and “You Can Heal Your Child: A Guide for Parents of Misdiagnosed, Stressed, Traumatized, and Otherwise Misunderstood Children.”

Not only are children burning out from too much too soon, they are dropping out, and worse still, they are literally killing themselves in numbers we haven’t seen in decades. Too few of us are paying attention to the effects of the stress and pressure our children face, and fewer still are doing anything about it. But we can! Our hands are NOT tied! We can say, “Enough!” We can stop buying into a system that doesn’t work. We can rise up in our schools, in our districts, and as voters to put an end to “teaching to the test.” We can say, “No!” to homework packets in Kindergarten and beyond, especially when we educate ourselves about the fact that there is NO correlation between homework and achievement! None!

What we are doing is not only NOT working, it is HURTING our most precious resources. Please, pay attention to your children. Notice the effects of too much stress and pressure in their lives. Stop over-scheduling. Stop with the homework. Start with more rest, more play, more time as a family and TRUST. KNOW that healthy, happy children who are with us, engaged in life and learning, truly LEARNING is what we will have when we care more about their ability to think critically, outside the box, with creativity and passion, rather than their ability to pass a test. Please learn more at www.racetonowhere.com.

As a response to this approach to education, many parents are deciding to start their children in Kindergarten at 6 years of age (as opposed to the typical 5 years of age), which I applaud enthusiastically. Knowing how the brain develops, functions, and is impacted by stress, I see this as an important option that I, too, am adopting for my son. I urge more parents to begin to notice the effect early exposure to academics has on many of our children, so they find their own way to protect against this. There are many alternative programs that understand the neuroscience and provide a wonderful antidote to the system. At the very least, we can give our children an extra year of play so their brain is more mature and thereby at a greater state of readiness for what is currently required. Please read my newest book, “You Can Heal Your Child: A Guide for Parents of Misdiagnosed, Stressed, Traumatized, and Otherwise Misunderstood Children” to understand more about the effects of stress on our children and what we, as parents, can do about it.